‘Celia Is Back’ by Amy Hempel

Celia Is Back by Amy Hempel, 1985

The magic trick:

Mocking commercial culture in a way that isn’t stale

In a book of funny stories – Hempel’s debut collection, Reasons To Live – this one stands out as particularly ridiculous. It’s not emotionally devastating Hempel. But laugh-out-loud Hempel is pretty good too.

Attacking commercial culture as the ruin of American society is boring at this point. This might be the best version of such a satire though. A father is helping his children attempt to win some sweepstakes, and proceeds to demonstrate his own absurd obsession. The paragraph in which he gets the different product slogans confused in his head is worth the price of admission. And that’s quite a trick on Hempel’s part.

The selection:

The father looked confused. “The is the Jell-O pudding contest, isn’t that what you said?” he said. “Well, okay then,” he said. “I like Jell-O pudding because it has a tough satin finish that resists chipping and peeling. No, no,” he said, “I mean, I like Jell-O pudding because it has a fruitier taste. Because it’s garden fresh,” he said. “Because it goes on dry to protect me from wetness longer. Oh, Jell-O pudding,” the father said. “I like it because it’s more absorbent than those other brands. Won’t chafe or ride up.”

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