Today Will Be A Quiet Day by Amy Hempel, 1985
The magic trick:
Focusing on a charm assault rather than a plot
This isn’t the first time we’ve talked about the great charm assault of Amy Hempel. She relies heavily on her wit to win you over. Her stories often have no plot at all. Take “Today Will Be A Quiet Day,” as an example. A father drives around San Francisco with his two children. They get dinner. They talk. They make jokes. They go to sleep.
So it isn’t the suspenseful twists and turns that will keep you reading. It’s that aforementioned charm.
This family melts your heart. In our brief visit, we see each of them demonstrating various qualities – humor, intelligence, fear, meanness, kindness, love. It’s all there, and it all makes the thin description of their day together more memorable than a busy plot might have. And that’s quite a trick on Hempel’s part.
The selection:
“Two Frenchmen and a Belgian were about to be beheaded,” the girl began. “The first Frenchman was led to the block and blindfolded. The executioner let the blade go. But it stopped a quarter inch above the Frenchman’s neck. So he was allowed to go free, and ran off shouting, ‘C’est un miracle! C’est un miracle!’ “
“It’s a miracle,” the father said.
“Then the second Frenchman was led to the block, and same thing—the blade stopped just before cutting off his head. So he got to go free, and ran off shouting, ‘C’est un miracle!’
“Finally the Belgian was led to the block. But before they could blindfold him, he looked up, pointed to the top of the guillotine, and cried, ‘Voila la difficulté!’
She doubled over.
“Maybe I would be wetting my pants if I knew what that meant,” the boy said.
“You can’t explain after the punchline,” the girl said, “and have it still be funny.”
“There’s the problem,” said the father.
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