Five Weddings by Kevin Maloney, 2022
The magic trick:
Cutesy contemporary references
This is a quick story; possibly an overly cute story. But I enjoyed it.
The couple keeps finding solace in the dramatic. Starting anew, etc. It’s funny.
I most enjoyed the use of cultural references aimed straight at the contemporary audience. “We were lying in bed watching The Bachelorette.” There you go. It’s as specific as they come.
And that’s quite a trick on Maloney’s part.
The selection:
The first time my wife and I got married, a global pandemic spread across the earth, shutting down civilization. With nothing to do but rub our avocados with Clorox wipes, we started bickering about things like—is it safe to eat avocados rubbed with Clorox wipes? In a moment of whimsy, we drove to the desert and stood in the sun with our four best friends and got married on the dry spiderwebbed mud. My wife’s dress was see-through. The photographer said, “I feel like a pornographer.” I said, “I hope you got the money shot.” Afterwards, all the guests soaked in geothermal hot springs, and the traumatized photographer went home. Eventually, my wife and I snuck off and consummated our marriage in a metal trailer without air conditioning, pausing occasionally to make sure neither of us had heat stroke.
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